Image credit here.
About three weeks ago I was so overloaded that I had a breakdown. Problem was I was too busy to realise it. So my body upped the ante. It’s funny how that happens.
In my mind I was busy but coping. I was high on inspiration and the plans in my head were deafening. Blog, study, coaching, family, event planning, house stuff, growing my business, socialising, trying a new way of eating, fitness and e-books. Oh yeah – and I am raising an increasingly mobile 9 month old. Who doesn’t sleep. Ever. No biggie. You’re fine Em. Actually bugger it – let’s throw in a new website for fun.
Then things started getting fuzzy. I noticed I was using my Emergency Bush Flower Essences a bit more than usual. My chest felt consistently tighter. I started chewing my nails. Those old panicky feelings were creeping back. I knew the signs by now. I knew exactly what to do. So I decided the time was now to plan a retreat, start running again, plan my veggie patch and rearrange the kitchen.
Then for the first time my darling daughter got sick. She had a terrible cough and needed constant love and attention which I was of course happy to provide. But then as soon as she fell asleep – PING! I was rushing from room to room typing a sentence here, doing a few dishes there. I felt a little under the weather but needed to get things done so I soldiered on.
And then I got sick. I got so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed. Family were called, my now well daughter was looked after and I was left to rest. No baby? That’s the perfect time to clean the house! I started walking around the house, not-really cleaning and blubbing. Until my husband came in and scolded me good and proper and told me to just stop. So I did. I woke up 26 hours later with a whole new set of eyes.
Here I have to point out that this aint no pity party. I am not complaining about anything on that list. I am so insanely lucky that life is going in a direction that is so exciting that I want to sprint it. I am even luckier again that my back-pack is so heavy with wonderful people and opportunities. But when you are living at that speed with that much weight, something is eventually going to give. For me it was my health for a very short few days but it was enough to get the point across. If I kept pushing myself and kept ignoring the signs what would my cold be replaced with? Or would it be looking back at lost time with my husband and daughter? Just soaking up sun rays? I also stumbled upon this quote;
Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
This hit me. The driving force behind every decision I have made since 29th November 2012 is Lucy. I want to be the type of person that she admires. I want her to have memories of us exploring, playing, relaxing. Not of her mother frantically running around the house trying to get everything done and checking her bedtime story off like a chore. And for the second time in so many weeks, I just stopped.
And since I stopped swimming against the current, life is flowing with ease and grace. Just like David Wolfe told me it would. In fact I have worked less but achieved more. There is always going to be a bigger goal, another dream or a PB to smash. If you are focused only on whats ahead of you, you are never going to enjoy what you have already achieved.
So basically the point of this slightly indulgent post was to urge you to take the step back and ask the question. Are you rushing through your life? Are you making sure to show yourself the love you deserve? When was the last time you just pondered how fucking awesome this moment right now is?